Marriage Monday: "Forgiving the Unforgivable" Edition

Have you ever had to forgive someone you loved for breaking your heart?

As children, we were taught to say, “I forgive you” every time someone told us sorry. It was expected of you. We may have said they were forgiven but we often spent all day thinking of a way to get them back. 

As adults, we see forgiveness through the eyes of that same child. 

You say – I’m sorry

I say – I forgive you

And the 1st chance I get, you’ll get exactly what you gave me.

When Papa broke my heart that’s exactly what I wanted. Despite giving him my forgiveness and agreeing to reconciliation, I was angry and filled with resentment. 

Forgiveness is complicated when it comes to relationships. Intimacy brings a higher standard because they are essentially the guardian of our hearts. So, when that someone breaks it, the offense (whatever it may be) can often seem impossible to forgive. 

Forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision. It means you are choosing to release feelings of resentment or vengeance towards the person who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

It’s a choice. It does not mean forgetting what someone has done. 

But it’s an invitation for personal peace. 

Once I realized this, I took a step back and gave myself time. Once I was ready to forgive, I forgave. Not only was ready to forgive, but I was also ready to accept that my forgiveness meant I relinquished the right to use what he did as ammunition during arguments and as an excuse to hurt him back. 

This was something that constantly required prayer. 

What advice can I give on forgiveness? Marriage can’t survive without it. However, forgiveness and reconciliation are not a ‘one size fits all’ solution. Reconciliation is the act of restoring what’s lost. If you find yourself having to constantly forgive your spouse of the same heartbreak, then it’s time to take a step back to see what the issues truly are.

While forgiveness is for our own personal peace, the decision to walk away or reconcile will determine its protection.