Marriage Monday: "Marriage Is Hard AF" Edition

I almost stabbed him a month ago.

I’m kidding… 

Not really but marriage is hard AF. There’s no other way to describe it. 

But why is it so hard?

Why is it so difficult to spend our lives with the one person we promised forever to? Well, because they’re human and humans are hard to love! With all of our imperfections, habits, and stubborn ways, we are the most difficult creatures God created. Combine those factors with the challenges that come with living our daily lives. Who once was the person you couldn’t imagine life without, can slowly become the person you can’t stand to look at.

But it doesn’t have to be that way…

One of the biggest things we forget to understand is people change. That includes your spouse. I was 21 years old when I got married. Now, at 35, I am not the same person I was when I married Papa. As I’ve aged and matured, so has my marriage but not without some (a lot) of growing pains. 

Dealing with those growing pains has pushed us into some of the hardest seasons of our marriage. Confronting the idea of divorce, the aftermath of infidelity, and our inability to communicate in a healthy and productive manner lessoned our survival rate with every issue we encountered. 

In an effort to survive, we had to learn how to communicate with one another. Respectfully and in a way that spoke to each of our communication styles. 

For example, I am a confrontational person. I need to address the issue head-on, at that moment. Papa is not and prefers to move forward without a drawn-out discussion. We both learned to meet each other in the middle. Being mindful of what the other needed to move forward. Moving forward also meant healing. For us, healing meant forgiving one another. It meant learning to love each other in a way that spoke to our unique individual needs.

In order to do so, we had to relearn each other’s love language. As a result, we began to recognize how much we’ve changed. Seeing that change, allowed us to rebuild a marriage that was headed towards divorce. 

There were times when life blindsided us and there was no way we could work through our issues without the help of a professional. Understanding your limits and when to seek help from a licensed professional is important to the health and longevity of your marriage. Had it not been for the help we received, we would have never made it this far. 

Every relationship has its struggles. How we overcome those struggles is what projects our marriage into the ‘happily ever after’ that we all hope for. 

While marriage is hard, it’s not impossible. 

I’ve learned to surround myself with people who support my union. Who holds me accountable when I am wrong and who encourages me to face the challenges in my marriage head-on. Communication and prayer continue to be our saving grace. Allowing us moments to be transparent, honest, and understanding of one another. 

As the storms and rainbows move in and out of our lives, I know that we have a foundation and a support system that will uplift us, encourage us, and pray for us through the hard times.