What is the hardest age to parent?

You hear about the terrible twos, and the dreaded teen years but no one talks about what happens in between. The changes that occur when one day you’re getting cuddles and hugs from your child and the world revolves around your smile. Only to wake up one day and realize those hugs and kisses have grown further apart. The world no longer revolves around you and those little eyes that were once so precious, now begin to roll around their head when things don’t go their way…

To my surprise, these turning years, have been quite a difficult adjustment for me. Considering I already have a 14-year-old, one would think I would remember this parenting milestone. Honestly, I just thought my child was terrible (don’t judge me). Seriously, I never heard other parents talk about this age. I simply accepted the fact that my child was transforming into this emotional, overly sensitive, confusingly independent, boy-child monster… 

Now that I have hit this transitional stage with my middle son and I have graduated from Google-it University, I realize this is a common milestone the majority of us will experience.

And I also realize I owe my oldest son an apology… Sorry, son!

Referred to as the scary sevens and hateful eights, social and emotional development between the ages of 7-8 can leave even the most confident parent feeling like they’re starting all over! 

A recent survey by OnePoll (sponsored by Mixbook) conducted a survey of 2,000 parents of school-age children. The survey revealed that the majority of parents admitted the time period between 6-8 was the most brutal and came with the worst meltdowns (prepare yourself, the terrible twos are merely an introduction of what’s to come!) 

Our children’s emotional changes during this time can have an equally powerful emotional impact on us as parents. It was no surprise when 23% of those surveyed parents reported they felt broadsided and didn’t see the moment coming when they realized their sweet little baby was no longer a baby anymore, but a maturing big kid. 

 Why is 8 the hardest age to parent?

For many children, year 8 marks a growth spurt—physically, emotionally, and mentally. As they slowly begin to mature, parents will begin to notice changes in all areas of their child.

Developmental milestones for 8-year-olds

Emotional and cognitive development

By 8 years old, your child’s morals and values are developing. They become aware of what other people are doing and tend to make comparisons. Which can lead to quarrels and complaints with their friends, parents, and siblings when they feel they are not being treated equally. They also begin to share strong opinions when they feel a situation is unfair. 

While they are becoming more balanced in coping with frustration, failure, and disappointment, their ability to think before responding is still affected by their emotions. They may have difficulty focusing when they're worried or may struggle to think about their options when feeling angry. During times of frustration and disappointment, they may turn to you for affection but may resist at other times. Causing confusion amongst parents when they pull away from acts of affection or flat out deny you of theirs. 

Answering your child’s questions isn’t as easy as they were before. Now that they have a better understanding of cause and effect, better communication skills, and a larger vocabulary, they begin to ask questions about the world. Taking what they already understand, adding your answers, and concluding whether or not your answer is sufficient. Topics of religion, right and wrong, family structure, and sexuality have all been recent conversations between my son and me. All initiated by him and led with a long line of questions.

The need for independence from 8-10 years old

One component of social and emotional growth in 8- to 10-year olds is their desire for increased independence and their growing willingness to try new things. Children will begin to negotiate for what they want and argue their point of view. As they try to gain more independence and establish individuality, they can come across as defiant and stubborn. Even displaying behaviors like talking back, eye-rolling or slamming doors. While they want to be treated like big kids, at the end of a huge meltdown or rough day, your child still wants your comfort and assurance.

The importance of peer acceptance & friendship

By 8 years old, they are learning how to relate to peers, adjust to social rules, and adjust to new expectations. Friendships and peer connections are very important at this age. however, children develop the ability to consider the intent behind an action or choice. As a consequence, children became capable of intentional meanness and social exclusion. Parents begin to hear increased self-criticism and first ‘crushes’ may also begin to appear at this age. Sorry mom, you’re no longer the most beautiful girl in the world!

While it’s still commonly reported that ages 12-14 are the most difficult ages to parent, these turning years (7-10) are truly an adjustment. Not just for our children who are dealing with the growth of their bodies and understanding their emotions but the parents who have to accept and realize that your sweet little baby is growing up before your very eyes…

and you only have a few years left before they truly believe you have and always will be annoying!                                  

As I sit and sulk about Jayce not wanting to kiss me goodnight anymore and the eye-roll he gave when asked to clean his room, I have to constantly remind myself that it’s only a phase. And while it’s hard parenting an 8-year-old, it's also hard being an 8-year-old. 

So, to all my parents, here is a parenting tip to hold on to (one I wish someone would have given to me). If your child is not yet eight years old, prepare yourself... 

It could be your roughest year of parenting!

 

Resources

Amy Morin, L. C. S. W. (2020, July 27). How children grow and develop at age 8. Verywell Family. Retrieved January 18, 2022, from https://www.verywellfamily.com/8-year-old-developmental-milestones-620729 

 

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2021, February 22). Middle childhood (6-8 years old). Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved January 18, 2022, from https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/positiveparenting/middle.html 

 

The emotional lives of 8-10 Year Olds. Scholastic. (n.d.). Retrieved January 18, 2022, from https://www.scholastic.com/parents/family-life/social-emotional-learning/development-milestones/emotional-lives-8-10-year-olds.html 

 

Kristi Pahr April 20, 2020. (n.d.). Parents say age 8 is the most difficult to parent, according to poll. Parents. Retrieved January 18, 2022, from https://www.parents.com/news/parents-say-age-8-is-the-most-difficult-to-parent-according-to-poll/?utm_campaign=parents_parentsmagazine&utm_content=bestof_12mon&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_term=5f88d6964d43930001d1fc85