Do you believe in the Birth Order Theory?

This popular, century-old theory is the belief that sibling personality differences lie in birth order.

Psychiatrist and ‘Father of Individual Psychology’, Alfred Adler developed birth order theory in the 20th century. The theory claims that the order in which a child is born shapes their development and personality. He proposed that one's position would impact a variety of personality characteristics including responsibility, ambition, sociability, and willingness to break the rules. He also believed that family, community, and social aspects play a major role in shaping personality during a child's formative years. Despite every family being different, there are many similarities between the interactions of parents, children, and siblings, as a family grows and develops.

Adler stressed the importance of understanding the “Family Constellation”:

“It is a common fallacy to imagine that children of the same family are formed in the same environment. Of course, there is much which is the same for all in the same home, but the psychic situation of each child is individual and differs from that of others, because of the order of their succession”.

Family Constellation is a term used to describe each member's niche within the family system. It also describes the operation of the family system. An individual’s birth order in their family’s constellation influences a person's lifestyle choices. It is where an individual learns how to interact with others. Oftentimes, a person’s behavior can be attributed to that individual's position and reactions within their family. Since most behaviors are carried from the home into the community environment, understanding the role of the family in a person's life is important. Within the constellation, a child begins to define themself in relation to their siblings and how the self is different or the same. 

Like Adler, most researchers agree there are several influences that shape personality. Such as biological, social, cultural, physical environment, and situational aspects.  In my opinion, the role of the parent is one of the most important ones. It’s through our expectations that we begin to shape and mold our children’s personalities. Those same expectations can have a direct effect on the environment we create for our children. The opportunities we provide during early development and how we verbally and nonverbally communicate those expectations. 

I believe there is a direct correlation between a child’s birth order and how we establish expectations for our children. As parents, we have our own idea of the roles and responsibilities our children will take on. These ideas are often shaped by our own experiences stemming from birth order and our family’s constellation.

As I reflect on my own family, I too have very different expectations for my children. For example, I hold my oldest son in high regard when it comes to being protective of his younger siblings, showing them patience and a willingness to be there for them. Giving him a pseudo parental role. Whether or not that’s fair, the idea of how he ‘should’ act as the oldest child was something I was taught as I observed the expectations my parents had for my older siblings. 

The Birth Order Theory is just that, a theory and not proven science but that doesn’t undermine its value. For parents, understanding birth order and family constellations can be helpful as it gives us insight into identifying unhealthy family alliances and dysfunction within our family unit. When we reflect on the expectations that were placed on us as children, our family environment growing up, and how those things shaped our personality and behaviors, we are given the opportunity to address the issues we still face from our own upbringing. By doing so, we are given the opportunity to do things differently as we plan and develop our own families.

Here are a few common traits for each birth position:

Middle Child or second child

• People-pleasers

• Thrives on friendships

• Peacemaker

• Can feel life is unfair

• Can be even-tempered

• May feel unloved or left out

• Doesn't have the rights and responsibilities of the oldest sibling or the privileges of the youngest.

• Adaptable

Oldest child

• Reliable

• Controlling

• Achiever and leader

• Can be controlling and focused on being correct

• Uses good (or bad) behavior to regain parents' attention

• Bossy or authoritarian

• Can be protective or helpful towards others

Youngest child

• Fun-loving

• Manipulative

• Attention-seeker

• Self-centered

• Charming and outgoing

• Feels inferior- like everyone is bigger or more capable

• May not be taken seriously

References

1. Eckstein, D., & Kaufman, J. A. (2012). The role of birth order in personality: An enduring intellectual legacy of Alfred Adler. The Journal of Individual Psychology, 68(1), 60-61.

2. Carette, B., Anseel, F., & Van Yperen, N. W. (2011). Born to learn or born to win? Birth order effects on achievement goals. Journal of Research In Personality, 45(5), 500-503. doi:10.1016/j.jrp.2011.06.008

3. Adler A. Position in family constellation influences lifestyle. International Journal of Individual Differences. 1937;3:211–227

4. Conley D.  The Pecking Order: A Bold New Look at How Family and Society Determine Who We Become. New York, New York: Vintage Books: A Division of Random House, Inc.; 2004