I grew up always hearing how pretty I was. As a child, my parents never held back praise and always took the time to tell me I was beautiful. By the time I reached my teen years the compliments continued. Whether it came from my teachers, the boys who liked me, or my peers, I was always told I was pretty.

 By 16, those words became background noise, with no true meaning. Inside, I felt ugly. I felt unloved and forgotten. Beauty meant nothing if inside I felt a sadness I couldn’t explain or understand. Beauty and popularity pushed me further back into a darkened room that left me alone, in pain, and ready to end my life.  

 By 19, I grieved the loss of a child. I carried the shame and guilt from having an abortion. In silence, I struggled. I hated myself and believed what I’d done was unforgivable. Pushing me into alcohol and sex, anything that could fill me with any form of comfort. The only thing I found was a different body to lay with and regret that came the morning after. 

 By 25, I was packing my bags, with a broken heart and a rage that could scorch the earth. Ready to walk away from the love of my life due to infidelity. 

 Through it all, nothing changed on the outside. This world still took me at face value and called me beautiful. Even though I felt anything but that on the inside. 

 What changed? 

My relationship with God. I packed up my pain and dragged it to the alter. Bags that were too heavy to carry anymore. I was tired. I was broken and life didn’t seem worth the pain. Nothing changed overnight but through His daily grace and mercy, I was able to step out of the darkness that held me captive for so many seasons of my life. I began to process the pain, hurt, shame, and disappointment I’d experienced in my life. Despite the ugliness of my decisions and experiences, God showed me the beauty I gained from being broken. The compassion I gained for others because I know how hard life can be. The gratitude for the life I have and those who God strategically placed in it. 

 I wouldn’t be the mother I am today had I not grown from the pain of my abortion.

I wouldn’t be the wife I am today had I not realized a marriage without God will not survive.

 I wouldn’t be the woman I am today had I not heard God’s voice calling my name through every dark point of my life. 

This isn’t something unique to my story. God is calling the names of all His children. Regardless of our circumstances. He’s ready to save, forgive, and heal. Once we take hold of Him and allow Him to move through every inch of our lives, we can then see how beautiful we truly are. We can see how our brokenness shaped us into who God wanted us to be. 

Stop holding on to the pain of yesterday and allow God to show you the beauty in your broken.