When There's Nothing Left...

Fires can be deadly however fires are necessary. It’s necessary for survival. It provides warmth, sterilization, light, and can even be used as a distress signal.

Our marriage had been burning for years. Slowly but surely. We ignored it as much as we could but just like any fire, without an effort to extinguish, it will eventually consume everything in its path.  

The truth is our marriage fell apart long before the affair. For us, we were both to blame. We loved out of selfishness, unwilling to learn, and provide what the other needed. The affair hurt me beyond words. There isn’t enough time to begin to describe what I felt. Just like the pain, I caused Papa, by purposely shutting him out, could never be put into words. 

So after all the hurt and all the pain, what led us down the road to reconciliation?

 Godly counsel

 There was a couple that mentored and counseled Papa and me since we were engaged. It was their loving and brutally honest Godly counsel that allowed us to take the pain we both felt, put it into words, and finally begin to heal. It didn’t happen overnight. We were separated for months before I began to rethink a divorce. 

 There was nothing left of our marriage. It had all burned to the ground. The only thing left was a friendship that we just couldn’t walk away from. We missed each other. Not just in a physical way. We missed the laughter we shared together, the intimacy of our friendship, and the safety of knowing no matter what we had each other. 

 Reconciliation was not easy. Forgiving one another was not easy. Forgiving his affair was not easy. It was a daily commitment to moving forward that allowed us to grow through that painful season of our marriage. We came out stronger and more committed to one another. I am grateful for that season. Obviously, I would have never chosen that to happen. But we serve a God that has the ability to take our mistakes and turn them into beautiful testimonies. For us, the affair saved our marriage. That ugly thing that was meant to destroy us brought the darkest secrets of our marriage, unspoken hurts and hidden relationships, to the surface. Forcing us to grow from honesty. 

It’s been 8 years since the affair.

We can look back and see how far we’ve come. Our marriage is not perfect, we both have our flaws but we work best together. In the end, we prevailed, God prevailed and we have the testimony to show for it.