Marriage Mondays: 'I'm not here to make you happy' Edition

I will never forget the moment our marriage counselor looked me straight in the face and said, “God didn’t give you a husband to make you happy, that’s not his job.” 

Excuse me!? Yes, the hell it is – of course, I didn’t say this out loud because we were at the church but I was thinking it!

At that time, that’s what I believed and because I wasn’t happy, it had to be his fault. As time passed, I began to understand what the counselor was trying to tell me. It’s something I have held onto through every season of our marriage.

He is not the keeper of my happiness.

So many times, I have sat across from a couple that’s barely hanging on to their marriage. The root of their issues stem from the expectation that their significant other will always provide them with that warm, fuzzy feeling they had during the infancy of their relationship. How unfair for us to make our spouses the keepers of our happiness. especially when happiness is a fluid emotion. That’s too heavy of a burden and they will always fall short. 

Are there things that Papa can do to make me happy? Of course and because he loves me he tries his best to do what he believes will make me happy. However, we are all human and we can be selfish with our time, inconsiderate of each other’s feelings, and too tired to cater to one another…so then what happens?

I have learned that not only is happiness fleeting but when it is obtained it has to start from the inside. Happiness can disappear just as quickly as you begin to feel it. For me, it’s the joy I’ve found in God that has carried me through my unhappy seasons. When you’ve found joy, there is no losing it and it’s not dependent upon circumstances or other people. 

I have so many expectations for Papa – maintaining my happiness is no longer one of them.